My Scorpio Ascendant and Meeting Shallow People

This is why I don't hang out with people. I feel soo drained and sad. My daughter also seemed befuddled and confused, as the two women hemmed and hawed over how cute she was and how cute it was that her and the other little girl were playing together. Yes it was, but it was not THAT big a deal. I would expect them to play, as two kids sharing the same experience in age and gender..

The whole time it was just like that. Like every thing out of the ordinary was a huge thing. The fact that one woman was more recently religious was a huge deal to the other woman, soo inspiring. When to me it was a fact that I wanted to hear more about. It seemed like the first woman did not really care about her, and just wanted to hear gossip or over the top news. That was why I was almost embarrassed when I said I also had a hard time accepting being religious because I was adopted, and she made me feel inferior...like I was some outcast for my story. It triggered me and brought me back to the days of feeling ostracized. I thought this woman was a bit nicer because last time we met she had said that she also has a hard time with her child's bedtime and also puts her to sleep at 11-12, which indicated to me that she did not let her cry it out... But alas she is just like the rest. I felt very gaslighted talking to them about my adoption when they took it so disinterestedly and casually- like oh you never met your real brother more than once? Cool. At least I know how to show more interest in people- because I actually am interested and am not constantly stressing about myself.

They all seem to thrive on being loud and finding drama in everything. When I just want to live peacefully and happily, making friends and learning together about the deeper side of things. They do not seem very deep. They make big deals out of their kids misbehaving, and being bad, as if that is all they can expect out of kids. It hurt me very much. It is true that what people talk about is who they are.

Maybe they were triggered and didn't notice it. Maybe when there are people around they become fake and catering like I used to be. And totally reject their true thoughts and selves. I hope there is something deeper to them. That they can be themselves around family and loved ones. I hope to see a real side of them one day. Otherwise I will not be friends with them. I cannot stand triviality and over-sensationalism. It is too much like "home"- the past where I did not like being. It's funny, because when I brought up the religious community being too stuck on being close-minded and not happy, they kind of became dissociated and blank. I waited a few minutes, to show I was serious and perhaps that it was okay to be honest, they hemmed and hawed. The first one said that she doesn't see it as true, but then admitted yes when the other newly religious one said kind of dispassionately that whenever her mother sees people behaving badly she says, "Isn't religiosity about perfecting your MANNERS above all?" And then she agreed that there is problems with that. I did not feel they saw it twice as bad as I did.

Then they said goodbye all dramatically, behind the words seeming not too thoughtful. I was my usual self, said my goodbye. I spoke up when I felt awkward for not feeling my opinion heard and they had listened. I spoke about aware parenting, which again, they did not make into such a big deal, like it was totally cool to leave your child screaming alone in his crib. It really triggered me. I really hated the way the new girl acted who they seemed to admire and worship- she was all judgemental of me, watching me untrustingly and asking what brought me to move here. She did not even smile at me once, but acted like a happy head counselor when laughing about her schedule and the latest sensational news. It figures, because she is from my old city where people were materialistic and impersonal.

I see my brooding Scorpio ascendant, which is what I show outwardly to others. I am definitely passionate and unearthing of all usual when I meet new people, trying to bring out the deepest truth. It is weird, and freaks me out sometimes. Because I want to get to know people on a deep level without the chit-chat. That makes me the most nervous and annoyed around them. But it's good because I get to chose what I say and who I talk to..