Chosing Happiness

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I woke up exhausted, sleeping a bit over 8 hours... But still groggy. No idea what world I was in. My daughter needed me as usual to nurse to fall asleep each time she awakened, which usually happens until she gets up for real at about 11/12. I get out earlier to clean and do things I can while she is asleep, but I can't help feeling frustrated and disappointed in myself that I couldn't give her enough love to not need me so much. I will not let her cry it out, though which she does when she wakes up to find me gone. I felt like I was slipping, with worry about the day and accomplishing needed tasks, and I felt low self-esteem because of my losing direction last night.. I remembered Teal Swan saying on Instagram this morning, ironically, that we can only get somewhere if it is our true intention... And I knew I was battling with mine. My true intention is often my own happiness. So,against odds, I decided to follow my heart even though I was hating myself. Fragmented off from my inner self.

I decided to will myself into being happy. Despite the doom inside. I saw the piles of clothes all over and sighed- laundry was calling. Messes on the floor... I scrambled to make some cleaning happen but it felt impossible. With my daughter hanging on me. She was extra slow with eating, and I felt like a dummy just watching her faking patience.

I went out in the end, after folding some laundry and laughing inside at my daughter sweetly trying to join. She was so excited about going into the carriage again, I was uneasy that maybe she was trying to please me. Because it is against the Continuum of children to want to sit in a stroller idly.

As I walked, I felt bad about myself for being so spoiled that doing basic chores felt like a drag. I then reminded myself that in this generation, where there is so much isolation between people it is unnatural.. It is not fully my fault.
I eased up and had a good day letting myself enjoy even though my daughter was not exactly having her way. Such as. I didn't force myself to buy her sushi because I felt bad as she liked it I just bought her a cheap sandwich it made me feel all the more better listening to my desires

It all led to me enjoying and having fun talking to more friends

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