Kids and Feeling- Is it Narcissism if We Let Them Be Themselves, or is it Narcissism because we Shame Them?
“Don’t let her do what she wants, she’ll turn into a narcissist that way. You need to show her you’re in charge..” Someone said this to me about my parenting my toddler. I parent her with letting her be open about her emotions and try not to control her day as much as I could. Aware Parenting from Aletha Solter’s books, such as The Aware Baby, teaches how validating kids’ feelings makes them able to grow up with a solid foundation. It fosters more independence and confidence.
Maybe if I used it the wrong way, and let her do what she pleased all the time, it would turn her the wrong way, and her feelings would be repressed. She would feel invalidated because I wouldn’t be giving her limits of how far she can go. Example: If she wanted to keep playing, at the expense of her sleeping, and waking up other people, it would be a bad way to let her do what she wanted. But the question is, why would she feel the need to do things that were “wrong”? Maybe that itself comes from feeling unsure about herself and maybe experiencing trauma and hurt from others.
I am struggling with it so much. I know the reason she is hyperactive and disconnected from me and others is because I am stressed and ignoring her, and I got mad at her and lashed out when she wouldn’t cooperate. I am learning that I can’t control others if I am upset and unable to feel in control of myself. But am I fostering her bad behaviors by not validating her emotions? Likely yes. I am not perfect and I am flawed as a parent.
It was interesting to see straight out how she was repressing her feelings. She kept changing the subject when I was trying to be present with her, as if her pain was too much to handle. It makes me so sad to see. I get discouraged and lose my patience with her. She eats a lot of food. She talks to herself and makes believe she is a mother, and her doll is the baby. She does anything but sleep, although she is tired out of her mind.
Maybe if I used it the wrong way, and let her do what she pleased all the time, it would turn her the wrong way, and her feelings would be repressed. She would feel invalidated because I wouldn’t be giving her limits of how far she can go. Example: If she wanted to keep playing, at the expense of her sleeping, and waking up other people, it would be a bad way to let her do what she wanted. But the question is, why would she feel the need to do things that were “wrong”? Maybe that itself comes from feeling unsure about herself and maybe experiencing trauma and hurt from others.
I am struggling with it so much. I know the reason she is hyperactive and disconnected from me and others is because I am stressed and ignoring her, and I got mad at her and lashed out when she wouldn’t cooperate. I am learning that I can’t control others if I am upset and unable to feel in control of myself. But am I fostering her bad behaviors by not validating her emotions? Likely yes. I am not perfect and I am flawed as a parent.
It was interesting to see straight out how she was repressing her feelings. She kept changing the subject when I was trying to be present with her, as if her pain was too much to handle. It makes me so sad to see. I get discouraged and lose my patience with her. She eats a lot of food. She talks to herself and makes believe she is a mother, and her doll is the baby. She does anything but sleep, although she is tired out of her mind.
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