Connecting to Inner Child is Source of Spirituality

I always knew it. The inner child is the most important to heal. To know that you are worthy of love and affection, is the only way to connect to G-d. Not the way I was taught connecting to G-d was- through suffering and killing your ego. That was before I even knew I was worthy of love, and already my self-esteem was so damaged. They didn’t see or care, they acted like I was special and good that way. Being broken was seen as holy. It is not. Holiness has to come with choice. Otherwise it is just forced upon the person and is not genuinely felt. The person becomes robotic and not human, doing everything out of compulsion and not connected to their heart (Healing The Shame That Binds You, Page 95). This comes from unhealthy shame in childhood. John Bradshaw says, toxic shame is dehumanizing, being either inhuman or above-human (Ibid, Page 26). There is no room for the true self. It happens when a child is not allowed to develop into their full self, and is stunted in their ego needs. They are shamed for who they are, and made to feel like their true self must be exiled, something to be abhored (Page 28). Their parents can not tolerate their truth, so they learn to do the same. It costs them their very self, all in order to fit their environment, and it is done subconsciously because children do not know what is happening to them is wrong unless they have an enlightened witness, someone to validate them (Homecoming, John Bradshaw). When logic is forced on a person before their emotions are in place, it kills their spirit and soul. It’s more important to act right, than to actually feel right, and this is a way to damage the other person and transfer the shame to them (Healing the Shame That Binds You, Page 94-95). When a mother is not connected and attuned with her child’s needs and feelings, it causes pain and loss in the child which they cannot fill, and they become addicts of pleasure, says Gabor Mate in Scattered (Page 74-75). The shame they internalized about themselves that they fail to get their parent’s attention does not allow them to face their pain and loneliness inside, and so they avoid their feelings (Page 240). It would be a lot more helpful to society if we all knew this truth so we can own up to our pain, and not have harmful ways to do try to hide it. When I finally connected to my inner child, where I was feeling so unheard and hated, due to inner voices from my past making me feel worthless... I was able to find my inner truth. I finally felt centered and at peace inside, when I was crying so hard at my pain. My child finally saw me for me, and not an adult trying to repress feelings and be hurtful. This gives me hope every time I am thrown into my implicit memories of being hurt, that I can take my true self back. I need lots of support and love, in order to get through these times. I prayed so hard, that G-d let me find myself and keep healing. I do not want to turn out a hurtful mother and give my child trauma.