Mothering
I am so angry at how my ex father in law and his son, my ex called me lazy for staying home and raising my daughter. When it is the most important part of her life to have her mother at her side, being emotions attuned to her. They call being connected to your child “lazy.” This shows how they view emotions and connection a child has to his parents- non existent, and a lie used to manipulate the child for the parents own sake. Gabor mate proves it in his book, Scattered. “The relationship with the parents is the earth, the rain, the sun and the shade in which the child’s mental development must blossom” (Page 146). If a mother is not present to be attuned to her child, he develops ADD and problems with learning and exploring the world. He remains need and stuck in the infant stage of needing love foremost. “If the child is to be freed to go through the necessary developmental stages, the attachment relationship with the parent has to be made paramount” (Page 147). “When the child is not concerned with emotional contact, his prefrontal cortex is Fred to allocate attention to the task at hand, illustrating that what we call attention deficit disorder is not a fixed, unalterable physiological state; is a physiological state, yes, but not fixed and unalterable” (126).
“The fact is, we in this society are often quite removed from our own emotional reality” (Page 33). Most people are unaware of their child’s emotions, and how they affect their behavior, because they are too stuck in their own lack of connection to the world.
The interpersonal bridge of relating must be fixed, in order for the child to reconnect with his parent after an incident of hurt. This is possible after a parent hurt a child, yet most people do not realize this. That the child can feel loved by a parent even if they were hurt by them in the past, and as parents we cannot give up in our relationship with them. The failure to try to reform the interpersonal bridge between child and parent, comes from the parents’ own inability to self-regulate their emotions (Page 135). I have seen this in when I was pregnant with my child five years ago, I thought there was no chance of her feeling loved, and deep down it was because I knew I lacked love for myself. Now that I have hope for loving myself, as I work on loving and restoring the faith of my inner child, I can believe my own child is loved.
Society often does not support the importance of early attachment and love between mother and child, as they barely support poor mothers and make it extremely hard for them to work for living. Society is economically pressuring on mothers to have to work, and has not helped with adequate childcare (Page 110). “So much costly social dysfunction would be prevented, so many productive and creative forces allowed to unfold,” if it would be recognized that there is no more important job than nurturing our children at the earliest years (Page 111).
This is what frustrates me so much, the fact that my job that I find so vital to my child’s growth and development is seen by most of society as minor and an excuse to not work. I know it and my child knows too, that my loving her is the most valuable feeling in the world, yet it is intangible to even describe what it’s affect is. It can only be felt, and seen by those who find it valuable as well. When a person is kind and loving just for the sake of inner peace, and not trying to get anything out of it, they are able to draw out love and peace in others and be creative.
“The fact is, we in this society are often quite removed from our own emotional reality” (Page 33). Most people are unaware of their child’s emotions, and how they affect their behavior, because they are too stuck in their own lack of connection to the world.
The interpersonal bridge of relating must be fixed, in order for the child to reconnect with his parent after an incident of hurt. This is possible after a parent hurt a child, yet most people do not realize this. That the child can feel loved by a parent even if they were hurt by them in the past, and as parents we cannot give up in our relationship with them. The failure to try to reform the interpersonal bridge between child and parent, comes from the parents’ own inability to self-regulate their emotions (Page 135). I have seen this in when I was pregnant with my child five years ago, I thought there was no chance of her feeling loved, and deep down it was because I knew I lacked love for myself. Now that I have hope for loving myself, as I work on loving and restoring the faith of my inner child, I can believe my own child is loved.
Society often does not support the importance of early attachment and love between mother and child, as they barely support poor mothers and make it extremely hard for them to work for living. Society is economically pressuring on mothers to have to work, and has not helped with adequate childcare (Page 110). “So much costly social dysfunction would be prevented, so many productive and creative forces allowed to unfold,” if it would be recognized that there is no more important job than nurturing our children at the earliest years (Page 111).
This is what frustrates me so much, the fact that my job that I find so vital to my child’s growth and development is seen by most of society as minor and an excuse to not work. I know it and my child knows too, that my loving her is the most valuable feeling in the world, yet it is intangible to even describe what it’s affect is. It can only be felt, and seen by those who find it valuable as well. When a person is kind and loving just for the sake of inner peace, and not trying to get anything out of it, they are able to draw out love and peace in others and be creative.
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